I Took A Summer Vacation

I actually just got very lazy about writing. Many things have changed since my last post, and many things are very much the same.

I think a list would be the quickest and easiest way to highlight the changes:

1) My ED doctor finally gave me meds for ADD.
2) I realized that with a little effort, I can make a manageable salary tutoring.
3) I have a weight-lifting regimen constructed for me by a trainer.
4) I was given a key to the building where E's sister lives- she has the pool on the roof deck and the 24 hour gym in the basement.
5) I lost 4 pounds and then gained it back.
6) I am continuing to make efforts to hang out with men.
7) I am recognizing more and more, that it is nearly impossible to get decent medical care unless you are working for a posh organization or a government.
8) My insurance is refusing to pay for the ER visit for my broken ankle last spring. I should only be responsible for the 75 dollar co-pay. Here come the appeals packages!
9) I joined weight watchers today.

I think that many humans are under the impression that life is supposed to be wonderful, magical, enchanted, happy, full of love, full of material comforts, a constant adventure, and simply intoxicating.

It isn't. I am a huge fan of literature that tells stories of woman from other countries who have suffered the most insane monstrosities and take it with a grain of salt. Life is far worse in other parts of the world, my friends. I recently read a book called, "Aman, The Story of a Somali Girl." Aman tells her own true story in first person. She describes a childhood where she was born in the arid bush while her mom is leading the herds to find water. At age 9, she undergoes a clitorectomy. At 11, her white boyfriend is murdered because of the inter-racial dating. By age 13, she had been given away in an arranged marriage and had to run away to escape the insane husband. She is then forced to prostitute as she had no other way to support herself.

Do we really have it that bad?

Another favorite book is called, "The Good Women of China" by Xinran.

http://www.randomhouse.co.uk/xinran/home.htm

That is the most disturbing story I have ever read.

Somehow in the last 30 years, Americans have become a society of clinical depressives, anxiety-ridden, bi-polar'ed, ADD'd monkeys that must take pills everyday, just to survive. When did this happen? When did the pharmaceutical companies become the most powerful entity in our lives?

I'm not saying we shouldn't feel sadness. I'm not saying that many of us have not had horrendous horrible things done to us. I'm just saying that we need to keep it in perspective and look outside of our own misery to the real suffering of those in other lands. Have you ever read any books about women growing up in Iraq? Saudi Arabia?

I can't be a hypocrite here because half of my brain time is spent engaging phrases telling me I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not successful enough. But I also know that there are so many people that have it so much worse.

Read Xinran.

You won't be the same person.

My doctor would say that I have done a damn good job, yet once again, of avoiding any articulations about my needs and my feelings.

Must sleep.